Duncan's Christening

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Duncan Edward's Christening, April 2004

My last day as a heathen. Hmmm... what's a boy to do? I know! I'll take a nap. A long nap. Then get some food. LOTS of food. I hope being a Christian doesn't mean fasting... Then I'll visit with my brother Dennis and my Uncle Kevin. Uncle Kevin's going to be my godfather. He made me a deal I couldn't refuse.

Mom says I have to eat now before we go to church. I hope that doesn't mean I'm never getting fed again. I get nervous when people talk about "last suppers." Sigh... I mean, I'm just a growing boy! And I have *no* idea why she keeps calling me the "Satin Sausage" in this outfit she stuffed me into.

I need to think all this stuff over. I'm not sure it's fair that I have to renounce Satan before I'm old enough to get into any mischief on my own. I mean, can't I at least barf on my bib first? Well... I guess I'm just gonna have to have a stiff upper lip. If I can figure out how you stiffen a lip, that is.

And at least I'm not getting christened in any ordinary church. My Daddy's a Marine! So I get to get christened at the Marine Corps Chapel itself. Get a load of those window etchings! Now you tell me: where else can a kid get christened and get to look at jets and eagles and anchors and the Marines landing out of helicopters and running around with World War I bayonets, anyway? Hoorah!

Hey! Hey! I had a bath last night! Really! Sheesh! Can't you at least heat the water a little? And what's with all this oily stuff anyway? Oh, man... Mom, my head's wet and I'm hungry and... uh, why are all those people looking at me?

I'd better be getting royalties for all these pictures. If one more person snaps my picture without talking to my agent, I'm going to get annoyed. And don't we get fed now? Look at me! I'm wasting away to nothing! Pretty soon this satin suit will be too big for me!

This Christian stuff is confusing. All of a sudden I got an extra set of parents. My godmother Judy is my Daddy's sister. My godfather Kevin is my Mommy's brother. But I already have a mother and a father (and I wouldn't tell them this but, frankly, I don't see what's so godly about Aunt Judy or Uncle Kevin...)

Uncle Kevin and Aunt Crystal, that's the guy who poured water on my head! And there he is again with Mom and Dad and my brother Dennis and my godmom Aunt Judy and godfather Uncle Kevin! They call him Father Russo but he's *not* my father. Being a Christian is *really* confusing.

Yeah yeah I know I'm a Christian now, Mom and Dad. How 'bout some food? Christians get food, don't they? I'm really not into this fasting bit, y'know. I have my svelte figure to maintain... And a nap, too. How 'bout a nap? Food then a nap. Sounds good to me! Maybe being a Christian won't be so hard after all...